In a world that is filled with colloquialisms, slang, people who can't
spell but can text, and who end every sentence with "dude...", by the way
"dude..." by itself is a sentence, there are things we never hear true bikers
never say. Beware-someone is always listening, we may heard them from your
mouth-or mine.
Things never heard at a Harley store-"This sucker has way too much
chrome! Wow 58 horsepower? This sucker should haul. Will this seat make my
butt look big? Will my butt make this seat look big? Why does the speedo say
120 when the bike only goes 95? My clothing bill last month was still cheaper
than my service bill. What-you didn't buy any extra chrome? The prices are so
reasonable. I bought this to be an individual just like all the other black
Harleys. I do all my own maintenance. We could have put in a new kitchen, but
bought the bike instead-the payments are lower. Today I am a real biker! Only
cost me $20,000! Loud pipes don't save lives-and I can't hear my radio over
them! I was told that anything under 700 pounds wouldn't hold the road. Yeah,
$850 sounds about right to replace my drive belt. Hey they could have charged
me that much for a service! Hey man, I thought Harleys were loud. Special
Editions never sell anyway. You only paid $6000 for the extra paint? I hear
they're having a sale! You really use your front brake? This bike has way too
much horsepower. Who is this guy Willie G? Check the gas, and fill the oil,
please."
Things never heard at a Gold Wing Rally-"That sucker has way too
many lights. The factory says that stuffed animals on the back rack save
lives. I do all my own maintenance. Did you hear Jake actually cruises at
60mph-in a 55 zone? How can he hear his music? Does this seat make my butt
look big? Can we even see your butt? Trailers are for sissies-I know how to
pack light with just a duffle bag. Bummer-they discontinued the onboard
compressor. Did you borrow my floor jack, I can't find it in my top box?
Please turn your bike off, the exhaust noise is waking the dead! I agree, the
dealer charges just the right amount for a major service. Yes, $400 to replace
my rear tire sounds about right... I hear the dealer is selling them at
retail-sounds like a great deal! Oh I didn't hear your bike running, I thought
the patch girl was using her new sewing machine-man that's loud! Trikes aren't
real motorcycles, I would never spend an extra $40,000 for one...500 watts on
stereo, and I still can't hear it a 50mph! Check the gas, see if all my lights
are working?"
Things never heard at a dirt bike store-"We added extra weight so it
handles better. The parts were free-I paid for the stickers. Sure it's only 10
years old, but will it start on the first kick? You don't want all that
suspension, if it bottoms out you're going too fast. Don't put more than 30
pounds of air in the tire-all that extra weight throws off your suspension
settings. Bent rims don't affect the handling. Knobbies are the same on dirt
as on the street. I don't do my own maintenance. You really don't need more
horsepower. I don't ride out of respect for my body anymore. Do those crutches
come in yellow? Was the Suzuki sticker extra? What's a nack nack? When does
my warranty expire? I hate the sell of racing castor."
Things never heard around a Triumph shop-"my bike never leaks oil. Sure I
ride at night-old man Lucas never let me down. I'm a Mod-Rocker boy! I just
sold my pickup-no need to have one since I just rebuilt my bike. Should be good
for another season. No it's not out of oil, I just didn't fill it up since my
wife had the floor painted. I shoulda bought the Ducati for only $8000 more!
All the parts falling off my English bike are of the finest British quality.
Who's Steve McQueen? Who's Marlon Brando? Triumph-Honda makes them right? Who
is this guy John Bloor? This thing has way too much horsepower."
And finally things you should never hear at church. "We only use the Bible
as a reference. The books our staff wrote are much better. Yes, this course is
better than a Bible study, and only costs $250. and you get a certificate.
Accept Christ and do this, and you'll be saved. Yes, you must wear this
underwear to be a true believer. Miracles only happened in the Bible. Our
translation is the only true Bible. You must wear a dress to our church-over
your special underwear, of course. Please don't park too close to the Pastor's
Mercedes. We'll be passing out the envelopes so you can keep up with your
commitment to give. Uncontrolled children are welcome in the sanctuary. Please
make sure you call the pastor His Eminence. And bow...Please no instruments,
they detract from the singing. In my opinion...."
Hope you had a good laugh. I know none of you would ever say these
things. Just the other guys we know. But I heard them somewhere...I have
always found it better to quote God and the Bible. Remember-God says He helps
those who help themselves isn't found in scripture. Or Thomas as a doubter.
But it is true that Cain was going to kill his brother as long as he was Abel.
I didn't know that? That you can quote me on, dude.
love with compassion,
Mike
matthew25biker.blogspot.com