if I ran the world-with apologies to the cowardly lion

If I ran the world...
...football would only be played on Sunday afternoon, on a grass field.
...all quarterbacks would call their own plays-from the field, and audible most of the time like Joe Namath.
...no two point plays, and goal posts would be on the goal line, like their name implies.
...no instant replay-pay off the refs like they used too, and probably still do in Chicago!
...baseball would have no designated hitter-make the pitcher hit, and use strategy to win.
...only doubleheaders on Sunday.
...to save a game you must give up no runs. Make it a real stat. and you pay the team if you blow one.
...you get paid per win-when you lose you owe the fans. May change their entire approach to the game.
...you are only hurt if the bleeding can't be stopped or a bone shows. otherwise we expect you to be there, on time.
...no artificial turf-this is baseball, and not an indoor game. if a horse can't eat it, you don't play on it.
... no player would make more than a teacher. and in the off season spend time volunteering in schools.
...Tim Mc Carver would be banned from doing play by play.
...someone would leave the door open and Chris Berman would go all the way-and stay there.
...no slow cars in the fast lane, if caught they would be impounded.
...dui or drunk driving meant removal of hands, at the elbow. you don't want to know if there is a second offense.
...only motorcycles allowed in fast lane. commuter lanes would be motorcycle only.
...only vacation if you can drive there. and never ride anything you can't put gas in.
...all motorcycles would have horns louder than car stereos.
...all cars would only have radios with two knobs, on/off/volume and station selector.
...no cell phones in cars. if used when driving, same penalty as dui.
...no ugly rims, and none above 19"-get over it. Cragar SS would be standard on all vehicles.
...no helmet laws, but we should get a discount if we wear one and are involved in an accident.
...every 3 years, give one free year of vehicle registration.
...all riders would be instructed in using their front brake-might just save their life.
...mandatory 3 week vacations for bikers in summer-must be used to ride or possible loss of job .
...political campaigns would be restricted to elections only.
...vote early and vote often precincts would be eliminated.
...daylight savings time would be the norm.
...anything motorcycle related would be tax deductible.
...mini van owners would pay a tax for taking up space-and drivers would have to have special license to drive one. they would actually have to learn to drive. think of the lives saved.
...divorce would not be an option. "I do" means just that, and you better.
...living with someone without being unwed should be triple taxed, sin costs.
...all inmates should be given a Bible, and someone to help them understand it-may just thin out the repeaters.
...the gospels would be a required course in the schools-every year until graduation. atheists would get summer school.
...politicians have to have the same health care as they vote for.
...no dogs under 20 pounds-call them little rats, that what they are. must be registered as a non-dog. laws against incessant barking means death.
...we would work weekends, and have week days off to ride.
...chocolate would be the official food, and part of all daily nutrition.
...Krimpets would a food group, as would ice cream, tootsie rolls, and pretzels.
...church would start on time, and only last one hour for those of us with a short attention span.
...pastors would make more than CEO's, and get double-time for Sundays.
...in cases of dispute, pray, pray, pray, and then pray some more.
...maintenance engineers would be called janitors, administrative assistants would be secretaries, sanitation engineers would be called garbage men, and if you had a problem with that take it to personnel-not human resources.
...God would get 90%, and we would be able to live on the other 10%, and still have money left over.
...everything that has breath would be encouraged to praise the Lord.
And I would be very lonely, as having to enforce these laws would leave me alone-I forgot to mention the death penalty for anyone disagreeing. After all, these are my rules. As King, first rule would be to obey all rules. Second rule, would be obey the first. A despot, not quite benevolent. And as I hope you laugh and see yourself in some of the rules above, aren't you glad God has a better way. But yet we put ourselves under the law, when God wants to give us grace. A true freedom in the spirit. He gives us choice, for love would not be loved if it were required or legislated. So next time you get complaining about anything, thank God for the freedom to do that. It could be worse-I could be in charge. And God offers forgiveness. Where I just may have had a bad day, God doesn't have any. Aren't you glad he is never in a bad mood? It is important to remember what love is-not a set of rules, but a relationship. Corinthians 13 reminds us love is kind, patient, does not demand its own way, rejoices in the right and not in the wrong, and endures. It hopes and believes all things. And it never fails. And since God is love, aren't you glad he is God, and you're not? It leaves you weekends to ride, and to sleep in on your days off. God is at work all the time. With no overtime, unless you consider eternity overtime.
Maybe the system He set up is better than you think it is. If not, consider me as your ruler. All of a sudden the gospel looks pretty good. So choose Jesus, and pray for me. See things are not nearly as bad as you think they could be.
And join me as I celebrate with some of Theresa's brownies. Or some Krimpets. We truly have a lot to be thankful for. Amen.
Rest well, with my permission of course. And God's blessings. With Sundays off. To ride.
love with compassion,
Mike
matthew25biker.blogspot.com

Dr. Doug's tonsil removal and ice cream parlor

I don't like filling out forms, so when at the doctor recently, and confronted with the question on the form-MEDICAL HISTORY-I filled it in, reluctantly. Two knee operations, pneumonia, a hernia, that required reopening due to healing from the outside in, no one should have to know what silver nitrate is at age 7, leg perthes, rheumatoid arthritis, mumps, and German measles. All by the time I was 17. I figured the part that said details to be a joke, given the two small lines to answer. Medical history enough without the details for any three kids. And then in my senior year in high school, I had my tonsils removed.
Things were done differently a generation or two ago. They would take all the kids for tonsil removal on the same day, and do a wholesale cutting/removal. And most were removed from kids 6-8 years old. So here I was, in a room waiting with about ten third graders, when in comes the doctor. "Hi-I'm Dr. Doug!" and suddenly I knew how the patient on the Three Stooges felt when he saw Curly coming. With a saw. Nyuk, nyuk! And from his glance at me he was probably thinking "you're a little big for the third grade aren't you kid?" Aw, wise guy, eh? And I figured if things got rough, I was bigger and could always defend myself, but what about these little kids? As he explained the procedure in 6-8 year old terms, all you do is snip, the only part they understood was the ice cream to eat after part, what does minimal discomfort mean? So we had them out, as a group, and went home. Minimally discomforted.
Now I was feeling good, and like Bill Cosby's joke about tonsils and ice cream, I was ready for some strawberry. I was also thinking what a great doctor as I had no pain, so bring on the ice cream. And then it hit me. As the first bite of strawberry hit my throat, it was like a giant, strawberry flavored post nasal drip, and I went to clear my throat. And the pain was way beyond minimal discomfort. I wanted to kill Dr. Doug, and maybe me and the others could jump him in the hospital-if we ever got better. Show him some minimal discomfort. And every time I went to swallow, I was reminded of the pain. So bad, I couldn't swallow, which made eating difficult. But my mother, who may have had far more medical experience, read my history, suggested chewing Aspergum-a chiclet laced with pain killer. And it worked. And it worked so well I went right past the ice cream to a steak dinner. Again, her medical experience in conjunction with feeding me, allowed me to eat a steak dinner. Without chewing. She put it in a blender and I had powdered London Broil. Think of it as powdered/pulverized cow, and you get the picture. And as long as I stayed on the Aspergum, I could eat-ice cream included.
Dr. Doug had also said I would be weak for a couple days. And not to drive. Minimal discomfort. Which I did, and he was right. The first turn I came to while driving my parents Pinto, it was that green color that Ford used to paint every other car, ugly but hid the dirt well, with the all vinyl interior-seats, floor, dash, door panels, etc. to match, I almost didn't make. I had done it many times before with one hand on the wheel, and one on the selector of the 8-track-now it took both hands! And effort. I had to listen to songs until the end, even if I didn't want to, and he was right-I was weak! Now it took two people just to drive, a Pinto, just so I could have tunes! Two tonsils had eroded my accumulated driving skills of five months! I was damaged goods-ruined at 17! By tonsils, and Dr. Doug! What about those poor 6-8 year olds who weren't in as good shape as me? Did they even have a chance with a skateboard or bike? Rehab for tonsils? Would they ever recover to get a license?
But somehow by the end of the week I had recovered. A miracle. And we hadn't killed Dr. Doug. Two miracles. And were eating semi-regularly-note, all the grease on Big Macs acts as a great lubricant after a tonsillectomy. If more needed, add fries.
When Theresa and I travel, sometimes we are on the road for over three weeks. And we miss church. And church misses us. A minimal discomfort, that can turn into a major one. And we find getting back to a schedule of going is hard. We start to make excuses-"we'll go next week, but aren't we on the road again?" We get into a habit of atrophied spirituality. And like the weakened condition from tonsils, we are open to attacks and infection from the world. Yes, we are still in the Word, but without good teaching and fellowship, those skills can whither. And like I was told I would be weak after a simple tonsil operation, missing church weakens you. And soon your attitude changes, and you are open to attacks from everywhere. And it doesn't take much for some of us to deteriorate quickly. So we often attend church while on the road. Like the sign says "seven days without God makes one weak," it is true. I miss, and need to be around God's people. And as your relationship with Jesus grows, you want to be with Him and his people more.
And it always makes your pastor glad, sometimes suspiciously, to see you at Wednesday night services, and at Bible studies, and men's fellowships. But it also makes him wonder. "Are you ok Mike? Are you well, we see a lot of you here lately. Sickness?" And I just smile back and say "nah, had my tonsils out years ago, nothing can stop me now." Just like to hear the word. And like James 5 says, we consider blessed those who have persevered. Tonsils and other minimal discomforts of life. And major ones, too. As Paul calls them, momentary light afflictions. Wonder if he ever had his tonsils out?
How blessed are you today? Have you persevered or are you now in the midst of a trial? At home or on the road you are never alone. So check into your local church today, group surgery on an individual basis for your life every Sunday. And you can eat ice cream after. And the pain is gone-Jesus heals your maladies. He is the Aspergum for your soul.
Church-the checkups are free, the medical covered by God, and the food at the pot lucks is great. And there is nothing like being fed from the Word. No appointment necessary. And no waiting room or recovery period. Now there's a health care plan I can vote for. Support Jesus today-He supported you, paid in full. At prices you could never afford. His pain, your gain.
to your good health, love with compassion,
Mike