Today is my older son Christopher’s 33rd birthday, which means
for 33 years now I have been a father-in training. So today he and I are taking
a pair of Street Triples and go riding all day, the perfect father/son
activity. But as his mother, Theresa and I were talking last night, we were
ignorant of how to raise kids. When her water broke, we didn’t even have a
phone, and had to drive a few miles to a pay phone, then back to get her, and
off to Durango and the hospital. We had no clue as to the endless supply of
diapers we would need, and how our lives would change, seemingly revolving
around him, and later his brother Andrew. But we gladly, although sometimes
reluctantly did what we thought was best, doing our best to raise them in the
Lord, which at times went against advise of others, whose children were perfect,
their parents being their only flaw. And so right or wrong, we always loved
them, encouraging them to be their own person, and watching as they grew despite
our help sometimes. But one thing we agreed on early, was never threaten our
kids using the other parent, you never were to hear, or would hear, “wait until
your father gets home.” We didn’t want my arrival to spell impending doom, nor
did I wish to be greeted or known as the bad guy. And we wanted them to know
God the same way. So we never did, although sometimes in silence it was spoken
out of respect. We always wanted our kids to push the envelope, I am still wary
of those kids who don’t, and often find them the ones in trouble, and their
parents in denial. Not sure who was raising who. Others would feel free to
comment behind my back, thinking gossip never got back to me, and as I watched
them and their kids drifting apart, I found love would conquer many sins, and
keep a family together. When reputation was more important, I saw families
splitting. Like I said, after 33 years I am still learning, only the homework
has changed.
No matter what, I have always loved my sons. But as they get
older, mature a little, and follow their dreams, now I have bragging rights to
them. I was there in the beginning, in the hard times. And although always
proud of them, now it is more than just because you are my son. Which is still
the number one reason. And last summer when I got sick and had open heart
surgery, both stepped up in ways any father would be proud of. But on to the
good times, and more pleasant memories. And more times to
ride...together.
In heaven we will never hear “wait until your father gets home,”
heaven is God’s home, and he is patiently waiting for us to come home. In His
timing, not ours. He has prepared a place, and a way, Jesus Christ for all to
come to Him, which is our choice. And as we get older, we see too many kids who
have grown into adults drift away from God. They had been forced to go to
church, and to accept their parent’s rules, never allowed to know God on their
own, and personally as they did. God was always a set of thou shalt nots, not
love. And you find a bitterness there, as church memories are not always times
of fun, but a time of “you have to go!” Or else. Not the way God looks at us,
and not how He wants us raising our kids. Love doesn’t demand its own way, nor
is it harsh. It disciplines, consoles, and is compassionate as needed, always
encouraging. It seeks the best, won’t settle for less, but knows in our
failings that it is shown even more in forgiveness. It teaches, and uses
positive examples, also pointing out penalties for failure, and is always there
when needed, with open arms. The way we have tried to raise our sons, the way
God has chosen to raise us. Sometimes we forget we are children too, and He is
the Father we have in heaven, raising us for our time in eternity. So we need
to follow Him, and set the example for our own families. Sometimes of what to
do, sadly sometimes of what not to do...perfect parents are never perfect-only
God is.
As a parent you will have many report cards in life as to how
you are doing. I always go back to an old saying, “the true measure of success
is how your kids define you to their friends.” I like to call it love with
respect. It is tough enough being a kid today without either. So step up Mom
and Dad, you are building a legacy in and through your kids. Who you say and
show Jesus is will have a lasting effect on who they say He is. Start today,
your Father is waiting until you get home. Make sure your wife and kids are
with you.
love with compassion,
Mike
matthew25biker.blogspot.com