I learned to drive a stick shift in the safe confines of the parking lot of
Terrill Junior High. I knew the dynamics of a clutch from riding a motorcycle,
now all I had to do was transfer it to my feet from my hands. My Mother drove a
stick, how hard could it be? For two weekends I practiced with my Dad, starting
off and then shifting into second. I was getting this thing, and after stalling
at every other stop sign, felt I had it down. A few more days, and I was
confident enough to drive my Dad to get his new car, all the way up in
Bernardsville. And after school we went...
Now I was doing well, no stalls yet, looking cool, arm out the window,
radio set to WABC, when we approached a railroad crossing going uphill. and I
had to stop, just as the barriers went down. “RATS!” Or its unprintable
alternative. And as we waited for the train, and the cars began to line up
behind me, I thought of the line from David Crosby about looking in his mirror
and being paranoid, except in mine I saw an audience of cars, all waiting for me
to stall. And as I became more nervous, being told to stay calm was the wrong
thing to do, the train passed, the barriers raised and I stalled. And for a
second, my thoughts were cursing whoever invented trains and the tracks they
rode on, roads and whoever made them go uphill, every person behind me, as I was
sure telepathically they were all talking about me and either cursing me or
making fun of me, and finally whoever designed the planet with hills, just so I
could stall and be ridiculed. For what seemed like minutes, but was really only
a few seconds, I had panicked, gone into a complete prideful mode, and hated
stick shifts. I would make it on my next attempt, and would live to drive and
learn how to start off uphill, why you park downhill when you can, and now I
could drive any car out there. My friends all drove stick shifts, and I had
made amends. I was a man and had it all together....and the legend lives
on.....
The measure of true spirituality is found in those who do not place self
confidence in self effort. From a young age we are taught to do it ourselves,
and how important our self confidence is. But in God’s economy, or when driving
a stick, it is a fool who trusts himself rather than God. Learn to be
proficient and confident, and you will succeed. You can do it all by yourself,
when you master it. As we fail miserably. But the Lord shows us that self
confidence is found in trusting him, just the opposite of ourselves. We were
designed to face life weak and unable, so that we would need God, and he could
work in our lives and show his love, and how much we need him. He enjoys being
God to us. But yet we think we can do it alone, even among believers who quote
“I can do all things in Christ that gives me strength.” Then try to do it
alone. But there is a self confidence from God, but when it is only learned or
trained, we are destined to fail. The trials of life differ from those given
after a class or reading a text book, in then when we fail, we get hurt. No “do
overs” in real life.
We are told to have faith, but when it is in us, or our abilities, or our
knowledge, we get prideful, and fall sort of God’s glory. Knowing Jesus allows
us to know that we must eliminate faith in ourselves, and place that trust in
Jesus. Just the opposite of what we are taught by the world and some Christian
courses. When we fall short of confidence in Christ, it may because we have
more confidence in ourselves. Which leads to over confidence in us, and we can
drift away from God. When Paul writes to put no confidence in the flesh, we
begin to dissect it, and pretty soon get confused, and when the first hill
appears, we panic. We get paranoid, and we fail. No training or practice will
make the difference, only Jesus can and will. From his training, background,
accomplishments, no matter how much he studies, how much he reads or memorizes,
Paul still found his confidence in only Jesus. His only power to persuade
people via the gospel came from the holy spirit, how different it may have been
if he felt otherwise.
Today when I face a hill, my confidence is to pray first. The more I learn
the more I find I don’t know, and much of my knowledge is useless in spreading
the gospel. It takes Jesus, we initially put our confidence in him at the cross
to save, then it goes astray as we are taught. I can tell where a person is
today by asking about their first teaching as a new Christian. If any teaching
or philosophy other than Jesus is introduced, we are doomed to fail. We may
know John 3:16, but do we trust it? You may know the four spiritual laws, but
do you have the spirit? You will portray him who you trust, and too many times
we only trust ourselves. Rather winning an argument than seeing Jesus changes
lives. The spirit of self reliance or self confidence can ruin many a believer
for life. We won’t always be in the safety of a church congregation or of a
parking lot. Someday we will have to go out and drive.
At least that day I didn’t drift back into the car in back of me. Or give
it too much gas and do a burn out or a wheelie. We call it a friction zone,
when the power meets is released and we move forward. When we can upshift and
keep going. I wonder how many would have commented “what a good driver” if I
hadn’t stalled? My ego would have liked to hear those words. Instead I heard
the voices of ridicule in my mind. Living for self is no way to live, for to
live is Christ, and to die is gain. Now I can drive a stick, but still making
amends. Still working hard with no help from my friends.....so Lord won’t you
buy me a Mercedes Benz? With an automatic of course...the line forming behind
me never ends.
love with compassion,
Mike
matthew25biker.blogspot.com