I was just thinking of all the people I come in contact with, and its a
unique group of people. Rich, poor, homeless, home under renovation, renting,
buying, some ride, some refuse to, some work, some retired, some won’t or
can’t-yet somehow I am friends, or at least acquaintances with all of them. It
makes me shudder to think I am the common thread among all my friends, but I
find that that makes us all that much more common to each other. For instance,
we had dinner Friday night with my old 10th grade girlfriend, still living in
Jersey. Her version of our first date is more romantic, my memory fails me
there. But their older daughter joined us for dinner, and I found her most
pleasant. She had four years ago left home, and travelled west to make her new
life, against her parent’s best wishes. Which put me in an interesting
position, when asked how I felt about it. Being a parent I want the best for my
sons, yet want them to go out on their own. To go after their dreams, not after
mine. And so this daughter was faced with seeing her parents for the first time
in her new life out here. So what did I think? And does it really
matter?
I side with the daughter, who when her mother said with some indignation,
“she’ll move back to Jersey,” said daughter said “never.” And I agree, with the
younger. Having been in the same situation almost 38 years ago, I was told that
“you’ll be back, it’s the same everywhere.” Or “you have friends here, how can
you start over?” And many-almost all don’t have any contact with me today, as I
didn’t, it isn’t, and I did.” So sitting there I smiled to myself, and chose
not to answer. But I side with the daughter, and applaud her for her bravery,
even in the sense of it causing family disharmony. This evening took another
twist when she, the daughter asked if I would help her look for a car. Right in
front of her father. Either he wouldn’t, couldn’t, or she didn’t want him
too-in all cases sad to me. I am waiting for her call. But the bomb of the
evening was when the girls, minus the daughter went to the lady’s room, and
Theresa was told they were splitting up, and hadn’t told their daughter-for over
a year! They had rehearsed it, and would tell her that night. Which bummed us
out, for many reasons.
As Christians we see very few reasons to divorce, which God has said He
hates. Good enough for me, work it out. But as I listened to the daughter talk
about her live in boy friend, I wondered what she would think. Her parents had
taken vows, probably in a church, and before God, “till death do us part.” How
would this look to one living with another, outside of marriage? Why would she
want to get married, to make a commitment, when her own parents wouldn’t honor
theirs? And they were telling her what to do? What lessons of life were they
teaching her? And how would she react?
We were told via Facebook, that the daughter took it well, and it didn’t
upset her. I haven’t talked to her yet. Maybe it doesn’t, as she left home on
bad terms. Maybe it will, as we all need our parents, and as my father once
told me, “you will always be my son, no matter what.” And we had many no matter
whats. And so I pray for them, all of them. Some things I don’t get, and this
is one of them. By the way, we were out celebrating our 35th anniversary, which
they congratulated us on. They never made it to theirs, by choice. We have, by
choice. So the question is, “what lessons are we teaching our children?” If
the old saying is true,”them that can’t, teach,” I shudder to think of what I
have taught my kids. Perhaps more accurate is the older saying “the true
measure of success is how your kids describe you to their friends.” And I am
comfortable with that.
We also spent that night with Christopher and Reagan. Who both love to
have us, we catch up on their careers, watch old movies, listen to music, and
eat at NIchols, not bad for 12 hours when you consider six of them spent
asleep. I We have tried to teach our sons the right things, brought them up in
Jesus, and encouraged them. And it is great to see them growing, and
successful. We differ on some viewpoints, but love more than disagree.
Different doesn’t mean wrong, just different. But we agree on the main
thing-Jesus. And that makes the difference. We have encouraged them to be who
they are in Christ. Just like we want to be. And as I see many traits we have
shown them over the years bearing fruit, we smile and thank God, for His
patience with us, as we find we have changed along with them. Grown is a better
word. From my LA loving son, now a world traveller, to my other son, soon
moving out, his new career blossoming, we are excited for them. Sadly the other
family previously mentioned doesn’t share the same joy as us. They don’t
understand, we don’t either, but love covers a multitude of sins,
misunderstanding one of them.
Talking with Fu after church one night, I told him how we used to play “why
the dinosaurs died?” with my older son. He would mess up, become the dinosaur,
and I was the reason they died. AKA punishment. And we would laugh. But a
game we only played a few times, was I would be my son, and he would be me. And
I was hurt and embarrassed how he talked to me, was I that bad? And it helped
me to mellow, to love more. To see things through his eyes, much
different.
So how does God see us? And why can’t we see us as He does? First,
forgiveness is for past, present , and futures sins. ALL of them. And each
time we ask forgiveness, He looks at it as the first time-we are already
forgiven. But we remember, while He forgets. And we have a longer memory for
other’s sins than our own. So why not try it God’s way. When Jesus told the
woman to “go and sin no more,” He had forgiven her. But He knew she would, but
He loved her still. He never left her, no matter where or when, and He extends
the same to us. Remember that-no one else may be watching, but God always is,
not to spy , but to protect. And it works for kids who go astray and their
parents who do too. So start today anew with Jesus. Hold no grudges, encourage
others including your kids in the Lord. And the best advice may be from
scripture, but with a twist from St. Francis Assissi. “Speak the gospel daily,
and only use words when needed.” Long after they forget your words, they will
remember your actions. We all remember Jesus on the cross, do you remember His
words their? See what I mean?
And I’m never going back, I’m sticking with Jesus.
love with compassion,
Mike
matthew25biker.blogspot.com