When I was younger, I grew very fast. The word was I would be 6’2”, but
after a spurt or two, stopped at 6 feet. But it allowed me to play freshman
basketball in 7th grade, and to start in 8th. I was tall for my age, so could
get away with looking older, so I hung out with older guys. Which sounded cool,
but could get you in trouble. Because it led to older girls, the kind you
dated, but never took on dates. The ones you never took home for dinner, or
even told where you lived. And so I led a double life my senior year, with a
real girlfriend, and many a one night experience. Many times we would meet at a
local bar, where I could be served, and had never been carded. While my
girlfriend would put up with me, the real problems changed when Jersey changed
the drinking law to 18 from 21, and I got carded. And told in a few places not
to return, they were cheesed off I had lied to them, and now that they were
being watched by ABC, they didn’t want me around, I still could get the in
trouble for past behavior. And some of the lesser women looked down on my
youth,while some just didn’t care. But suddenly these older, more experienced
women became less attractive, and it wasn’t the thrill of meeting them on the
sly. I started meeting more respectable girls, while maintaining my girlfriend,
while losing most of all my respectability. I had lived a teenage life with
loose women, and saw them deteriorate quickly as they hit their late twenties.
Nice to talk with, but no morals, just the kind you want for an evening, but not
a lifetime. To sneak around with, but not be seen with. To brag about later to
your friends, but not introduce them to, or their friends. And I always
wondered, just how did a girl like you, become a girl like you? What happened
in their life that made them hard, but easy? Who shied away from serious
relationships? Who rather live in the dark with fear of exposure, but not
caring when they were? Who started out with nothing, and ended up with less.
And I was no better, as I was one of the ones taking advantage of them.
There were things you couldn’t talk about, because you had fabricated such
stories to make yourself attractive. I had the lines, the car, the motorcycle.
At one point even the job and title, and a good income. But as the parties got
more expensive, and the relationships faster and cheaper, it took a toll on me.
I wanted out, I just didn’t know it. And certain girls were told to stay away
from me, but that only spurred them on more. You wonder the true value of
friends when they are all as dishonest as you, and if there is any truth to what
they day, as their life is built on lies as yours was. And as many started to
grow up, some burnt out. Some just quit coming around, some got serious girls,
and got married. But something inside them was still searching, still looking.
And not being found in careers, cars, or money. That just brought you to a new
level of debauchery, and many tried to keep up with the Jones’s, while some
became the Jones. Suddenly being older was not as much fun, sin wasn’t the same
thrill, and after being caught you paid a price. But for some reason, you kept
on the same....hoping but not knowing what lies ahead.
Then I got saved, and suddenly I found out the truth, I had been one of the
problems. And I had become a bigger problem with Jesus in my life. Old friends
who were close didn’t return calls, or call at all. No drugs, no girls, and no
parties, they lost interest in me. And I still hung on, knowing I had changed,
but not knowing how. Something inside didn’t want to get high any more, but I
still tried to fit in. A break had to be made, or I was in big trouble. I was
later to learn two things I didn’t want to admit to. One was a double minded
man is unstable in all his ways. I was maybe triple minded, as the new man in
me wanted nothing to do with the old Mike. But the old man hung on, and still
creeps up every once in a while after 40 years. But the hard one was being told
bad company corrupts good morals. And that I had been bad company. I led women
astray, others who I thought were friends, and even my bosses. I was out of
control, and no one could reach me. And looking back when I share many look at
me and wonder, “just how did a boy like you turn out to be a boy like you?” The
answer is simple-Jesus. I was a complete wreck, and nobody cared. Party hard
and die young so you can make a better looking corpse. But ugly or handsome,
you still died. He who dies with the most toys still is dead. And someone else
gets to enjoy the toys. And in this enlightened age, many were seeking through
drugs, Mahareeshi, TM, or religion. In all cases they were looking to save
themselves, when they couldn’t. All the things the world promised it couldn’t
deliver, and for many the search goes on.
Some still get stoned, while others trip over the stone got planted, Jesus,
to save us. How many go to church faithfully, tithe, go to Bible studies, and
minister, but still keep score? They try to attain enough points for salvation,
rejecting the gift that is free, feeling there is no way they could ever be good
enough. And they are right, we can never be good enough, yet pride causes them
to stumble. Paul addressed this in Romans, where the Jews felt they had to work
for salvation, pride, they didn’t want to admit they needed a savior. Sound
familiar? Yet the Gentiles, those who they believed were made to keep the fires
of hell hot, were being offered this free gift from God, and accepting it.
Pushing them farther from God. They live like I used to, not sure about
tomorrow, so take advantage of someone today. Hoping I may be just good enough
to make it. One night stands of religion, having the ticket, but never seeing
the show. Never coming to the point in there life of asking “who is Jesus?”
“And where does he fit in?” Many become religious, but never saved, yet the
more blessed are saved and never become religious. God sees the inside, while
we are more concerned about the inside, just what shows. Jesus tells us he who
calls upon him shall never be cast out. All that is left is to turn to Jesus,
to respond to him and be saved. So when asked “how did a guy like you become a
guy like you?” the answer is Jesus. Only Jesus. No religion, no church, no
philosophy, or belief system could save me. Only Jesus.
When I was young I grew fast physically, God shows me how to grow
spiritually. At his pace, where others are not impressed, and cannot use me.
Or me them. Where I can minister to both young and old, and have them love me
in return. I no longer look for what I can get out of a relationship, but what
I can give. Jesus gave it all for me and to me, so I only wish to pass it on.
I need no card to show I am saved, nor membership. It is strictly between me
and God, and my name is written in the Book Of Life. Still chasing religion,
scripture tells us not to rejoice in the power we have over demons, but only
that we are recorded in the Book of Life. Where once I carried a book of
numbers, of one night stands, of party places, now I live assured of heaven, my
place is reserved. I’m in God’s book. Nothing changed me except for Jesus, from
the inside out. Maybe you are the bad company I was, Jesus is still calling.
Maybe you are stumbling around, trying to be good or moral, but failing
miserably. Jesus is waiting, offers forgiveness, and salvation. Just how do
you make it to heaven? Jesus is the only way. Simple so I can get it, free so
I can afford it. The wages of is is death, where will your next payday be?
Whose book are you in?
love with compassion,
Mike
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